Nanny and Family Bond
Nanny and Family Bond
These are the kids you will oversee. They are curious, funny, smart and playful. Are up for the task?
What are their schedules? Eating habits? Food allergies? What makes their heart sing? I ask.
You’ll figure it out. We’re carefree, we try not to use the word NO and eat whatever we please.
Do they take a nap? Do they have playdates? indoor and outdoor activities? Do they like trees?
They are free thinking rebels who really love to eat; They eat healthy food sometimes. They’ve had
other caregivers too. Don’t worry, be at ease!
What does healthy look like to you? Do they have a daily routine? a favorite meal? a game? What’s off
limits? Non-negotiables? Exceptions? Tell me please!
You are an experienced college educated and a professional Nanny. I trust you will do your best for you
and me.
I like your recommendations, resume, work history and all. This is not a corporate office job. Please
follow me.
Before I show you the playroom, I want to say that I am flexible. I am also good at tolerating and
compromising in some situations.
This is the kids’ room. I don’t care much if it’s messy. Sometimes, they like to jump on the bed; If the
kids are safe, it’s ok. What’s your interpretation?
I kindly ask to elaborate. As a professional Nanny, I have observed that clear guidelines between both
parties need to be acceptable, not simply tolerated. Non-negotiables have no room for flexibility.
If this is not established from the beginning; I’ve seen, unnecessary and avoidable chaos, distrust,
confusion and distress, become unwanted constant patterns and recurring possibilities.
My friend’s job ad went viral and was harshly criticized, the mother adds. It was due to the detailed
specifications and duties of the position. Now. What do you think of that?
Most professional Nannies will appreciate the clarity and detailed expectations about the real duties,
requirements and responsibilities in caring for children. I add.
There’s often going to be hidden or open criticism, I continued, when parents are seeking help with their
kids, home, pets and overall support.
The reality is that maintaining a home, taking care of a child and putting together a team, it really is hard
work, extensive and detailed planning for anyone involved.
How was your job interview? my Mentee asked during a break. I am about to be interviewed myself, she
adds. Did the parents ask many questions? Did you? Please share, tell me more if you don’t mind.
Dear Mentee, I proceed; Interviewing and hiring of a nanny and finding a good family, requires a keen
eye, sound mind and an open heart. The lines of communication need to be wide.
It is not an open invitation to the intimacy and privacy of someone’s home, inner circle, personal habits,
weaknesses, strengths and witness their personal life at first hand.
It is an opportunity to positively contribute to the work force with our talents, gifts, knowledge and
education, while being discreet, avoiding gossip and really working hard.
I was wondering, she continues, if there are any other professions or jobs where people don’t get proper
orientation, training and how to do manuals with clear expectations and direct requirements?
In anything we do, my dear Mentee, confidence and success come with preparation. It helps minimize
passive-aggressive behaviors. The more detailed the job description is, the better are the acquirements.
Do giving unclear language like: If you feel like it, if you can, if you have time, if you don’t mind, phrases,
create ambiguity, confusion or vagueness? Do parents really mean it? I wonder!
What is it that the parents are not saying? What do they really need, want or not want? Are respectful
straight shooters really encouraged, appreciated or even wanted?
Everyone in the team wants clarity. They’re all rooting for the children’s wellbeing, for proactive and
positive problem-solving techniques, strong minds, healthy bodies and kindred hearts.
Everyone wants an easier, healthier adaptation to a new person, new environment, and the least painful
transition from the parent’s to the caregiver’s hands.
Everyone needs to know what it takes to take care of an emergency without confusion; A safe meeting
place, code word, medical & insurance plans, independently of the parents absence, timing or actions.
Everyone needs a positive work environment that allows the whole team the ability to clearly plan;
Communicate and execute, effectively, efficiently and making good, sound decisions and interactions.
Family and nanny journals and logs are very helpful to keep everyone in the loop. Infants, toddlers and
young kids like predictability and daily rituals. They thrive in consistent joyful schedules and routines.
Family log entries: Sleep & nap time, diaper changes, bottle feedings, solid food, snacks, screen time,
reading time, potty training, bathing, reinforcement of parent’s guidelines, indoor and outdoor routines.
Monthly and quarterly reviews and assessments help discuss team goals, developmental milestones,
feedback, shared beliefs and core values, outings, emergency plans selected.
Also, any misunderstandings, challenges, apprehensions, added responsibilities, raised questions and
concerns. These need to be address without feeling threaten, tiptoeing, or disrespected.
Heads up in advance is a must. Both parties schedules, vacations, family transitions, holidays, medical
appointments are equally important commitments. The opposite creates resentment and the need to
hide or omit information.
The employers will always hold more power; That’s the nature of the beast. That’s the hierarchy of
these roles. No arguments about it, will hold any water. There’s always a power differential. The power
to hire and fire situation.
Exercising power in front of the children is not advisable. It will undermine the nanny’s authority. Also
will make the relationship ultra-vulnerable. It is a fragile and delicate balance of power that requires
wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
Great nannies who really take pride in giving the absolute best care to a child have also a super-power.
The process of finding and vetting for a new, great one, is extremely time consuming and financially,
emotionally and mentally demanding.
A good nanny shows up with the purposeful intention to add value and a meaningful contribution to the
family. They come with a service minded philosophy, vision, mission and propriety.
They become teachers, nurses, drivers, play mates, chefs, tutors and coaches. Also, advocates and
protectors of the parents’ most precious treasure and, the most vulnerable members of our society.
Families ask for care and good caregivers give their hearts. Genuine caring is a gateway to real
connections, support, guidance, comfort, silly songs, funny tall tales and playful education.
When people feel safe, valued and secure among their team, the natural, organic and spontaneous
reaction is a greater effort, trust, loyalty, gratefulness, contribution and cooperation.
What would be a good piece of advice to a young couple or anyone else hiring a nanny for the first time?
The Mentee asks; What helps? What doesn’t? What’s best for the team in their daily occurrences?
Parents as the household leaders make a daily choice and decide the mood, tone, vibe and the energy of
their child’s and nanny’s day. This alone, has the most powerful negative or positive consequences.
A child will always love their parents way more than a nanny: It needs to be reassuring, trilling and
celebratory to see the loving connection between the child and the nanny. The opposite should raise
concerns, red flags and show the handwriting on the wall.
Confident parents usually, have no need to feel inadequate, insecure, resentful, jealous or guilty. They
are not shortchanging their child. They are making the best decisions for their family, based in their
current circumstances, family-work dynamics and all.
What are some of the deal breakers in this valuable, yet fragile relationship of the primary child raiser
and one who assists as a caretaker? The Mentee is eagerly absorbing the information.
Life is far too short, beautiful and joyful to accept a disrespectful co-worker, employer or a crummy,
toxic or demeaning work environment. To me, at least. It has always seemed self-evident.
The same way parents don’t expect Nannies to arrive late for work and give excuses; The same concept
equally applies to parents. Yet, there are always emergencies and situations of precedent.
Money talk is important for both parties. A raise, bonus, cost for additional kids, change in duties, extra
care and overtime is not only about fairness. It is mostly about your capacity in negotiating.
A great family understands that the good Nanny has her own family, kids and her own needs. They have
others to fill in, just in case of an emergency and, act quickly, without hesitating.
Having a good Nanny makes parents life healthier, thriving and better. It makes life more manageable
and beneficial for working or not working parents who need support while raising another little human
being.
It’s not only the child’s well-being that has be maximized and considered, it’s the whole family’s
personal growth, mental, emotional and financial health. The family is a unit, but each member is an
individual being.
Sometimes, when there are multiple children, and one of them has special needs, is specially gifted or
consumes significantly way more of the family’s resources than the do the others; An extra pair of hands
is not only advisable but strongly recommended.
Shameful, judgmental or unsolicited biased opinions about parents deciding to have a nanny, have no
room in a balanced, confident and self-assured family. The ultimately goal is life satisfaction, healthy
boundaries, and congruent choices in what’s believed to be needed.
There’s no one right way to raise a child, hire a nanny, pick the right family to work with. The right
choice is to allow decently moral people to make their own choices about work, families, having or not
having children and the way they choose to raise them.
There is a wise saying: “Happy mommy, happy baby, happy family” The same saying applies for whoever
takes care of a child. Everyone and anyone in this world who takes care of child in a healthy, caring way,
is contributing to make this world a better place.
Taking care of someone else’s child is a financially compensated job. Loving and be invested in a child, is
the “extra” bonus that can never be paid or repaid with a salary or an hourly rate. Feeling respected and
valued at work is right; It’s never too much to ask.
So, what do think? What’s in your mind? I see you have a lot of great questions. I think you can learn a
few things from me; I can learn a few things from you. Would you like to stay and give it a try?